So, my whole life, or rather since 6th grade I vowed i would remain abstinate until marriage. I had one serious boyfriend and a lot of flings with other men. No matter how much I liked them, I would always deny sex from men because I didn’t see the point… Why would I want to share something so sacred and special with someone who doesn’t care about me? I figure, if someone puts a ring on it, it clearly means they love me for me, and won’t leave me once they see my stretch marks and my tummy.
So even after failed relationships based on the fact I wouldn’t “put out” I continued on my merry way through life. Then last thursday night rolls around– a right of passage in many ways. I had just moved into my first apartment, a fabulous 945 square footer with a balcony and gigantic bedroom. I ended up having a friend over and then one of my long time friends whom I have known for 8 years texted me and said he was drunk and asked if he could come over. I obliged since I havent seen him in over a year. He was texting me he was drunk and I should try to “take advantage of him” I was feeling frisky and responded with ” I will do as I please”
He arrived and seemed to be slightly buzzed. I popped open a bottle of Captain Morgan parrot bay coconut rum and before I knew it the whole thing was gone… We started kissing and then the topic of sex came up. He wanted to have sex with me but I refused since he had a girlfriend and was kinda engaged. I had waited 22 years and I wasnt gonna just throw it all away.
Well for some reason I kinda wanted to. I don’t know what it was, I suppose in a way I took advantage of his drunken willingness. I figure, here is a guy I have known for 8 years, someone I call my big brother.. why NOT have sex with him. So around 1 am I made up my mind–we were gonna bang. Since he doesnt have sex often ( and boy could I tell) we drunkenly drove to buy condoms. No darn way was I letting a dick inside me without a condom–I don’t want no babies!
so we went to the porn store of all places which was halfway across town and bought a 3 pack of condoms. We got back and discussed whether or not this l was a good idea and if he was ready for the emotional burden this could hold on me. I warned him that I could get attached, and develop feelings for him or become really clingy. I asked and asked if he would be prepared to deal with me being mad at him and hating him. He said if I didnt want to do it, we didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to.. Well I decided I was ready.
He whipped off his clothes, I took off my pants and underwear for som reason my shirt was still on– and off we go. When he first got it in I screamed out in pain “holy shit this hurts!!” I told him to cool it and he eased in. It was kinda uncomfortable feeling but once we were settled it felt better… It certainly felt foreign but it was kinda nice.
Now for the nitty grittys… he has a suuuper small penis. i’m sure you may be wondering “how does a virgin know if a man has a small penis?” Well lets just say, my vibrator was bigger than is dick…! And when i saw his penis I asked aloud ” are you hard right now?” The “sex” if that is what you can call that blackhole of time was not good. It may have lasted 5 min, maybe 15 tops. I seriously don’t remember.
I was bored and wasnt really feeling it so I think I asked if he was done and he’s like “no, let me finish” then he started thrusting harder and it felt good. By this time I had my legs wrapped around him like a tree pulling him into me. It deff felt good but as far as an O or anything even resembling one… I wasnt lucky.
The same night he left because he had to drive an hour back home. I wanted him to stay but I am grateful he didn’t because I’m sure the morning after would have been awful. he texted me and apologized the next morning. He asked if we could never talk about it again, and forget it ever happened. He asked if we could still be really close friends… My response to all of those questions: No.
Yes we should discuss this, no I wont pretend this didn’t happen and who the fuck knows if we can still be friends. He is overreacting about the whole thing. To me, all we did was have sex. I don’t have any emotional feelings about it. we did what he did- I lost my virginity, it hurt, I didn’t bleed the end.