• I want to try to become vegan- When I think about how gross it is to eat animals I wonder, why even eat cheese from an animal? It is gross to think of all of the preservatives in cheese and the whole milking process. I dont think it will be easy at all as I LOVE string cheese, motrozrella sticks, PIZZA and grilled cheese,  but I’m sure I will lose a lot of weight!
  • I lost 5 pounds so I am “down” to 200. Still, depressing but it is better than 205.
  • Had a weird day. got super depressed earlier tonight, played piano and then attempted to go work out. I was there for like 20 min. Then I ordered matteos and got eggplant and motzorella sticks. Ate those, then felt gross and decided to barf. Then I smoked a cig because I felt in control after throwing up.
  • You know you are fucked up when you feel proud you barfed… I smiled to myself because I felt in control. My mom made a nasty comment tonight and said “I guess we should have left you in Georgia” when i complained about how shitty the weather is in Wisconsin.
  • I am visiting James in 12 days in NYC. I have not looked into apartments, but I think I should get on that. I am not comfortable going to some random house in new york that I found on Craigslist so I contacted that agency an I will see what comes of it…
  • I am contemplating going back to school again since it was so easy for me last semester. Like, what else am I going to do? Once again, I feel like my life is going nowhere. If I don’t go back to school what will I do? get another job during the day? Okay, then what? At least if I am in school I will be keeping busy… Then again being tied down to Wisconsin until May is a grim thought. I want to just pack up and leave. If I fail miserably in another city then I will dedicate my life to the Army. I figure if all else fails I will have that. I don’t want to even THINK about what would happen if I was denied from the Army.. FUCK. I am not going there. not tonight.

Anyway, I am going to enjoy my glass of chardonnay and wake up to face another day on this earth in the AM.

Goodnight world,



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