I just realized how un happy I have been lately (aka the past year)
I am not confident about anything, I am always second guessing myself. I am not happy with how I look, how much I weight it is holding me back from being an awesome me.
I realize I have this fog of regret hanging over me because of leaving Stevens point. I will never admit aloud how dumb of me it was to leave. I look at all of the other kids in my class and how talented they are, and how they are destined for success. When I look at me all I see is a failure. I see someone who COULD have been good. I see someone who does not get cast often and does not try hard enough. I hate that all of the kids in my class are going to graduate soon and do big things, while I am here, fat as fuck not doing anything.
The most annoying thing is when my mind wanders when I ask myself “what do I need to do in order to get where I want to be?” I don’t like the answers because I am too lazy to change. My mind responds “put down the food and start working out. take voice lessons. move somewhere. go back to school.”
I am so conflicted… I don’t know what it is I should be doing or trying, I guess number one would be to go to gym. It will help me lose the extra poundage and work off some of this stress. I wish I had a answer, I wish I was confident and could believe that I am destined for greatness but other people’s doubts and negativity has crept into my mind and made me doubt myself. I guess I need to test myself, push the boundaries and see where I can go.
I just don’t think I got into Stevens point for no reason. I
must be talented, fuck that, I KNOW I am talented. I just have to put in the work to be great. That isn’t easy, but I think the road to gretaness starts form the inside out.