Unhappy for a year

I just realized how un happy I have been lately (aka the past year)

I am not confident about anything, I am always second guessing myself. I am not happy with how I look, how much I weight it is holding me back from being an awesome me.

I realize  I have this fog of regret hanging over me because of leaving Stevens point. I will never admit aloud how dumb of me it was to leave. I look at all of the other kids in my class and how talented they are, and how they are destined for success. When I look at me all I see is a failure. I see someone who COULD have been good. I see someone who does not get cast often and does not try hard enough. I hate that all of the kids in my class are going to graduate soon and do big things, while I am here, fat as fuck not doing anything.

The most annoying thing is when my mind wanders when I ask myself “what do I need to do in order to get where I want to be?” I don’t like the answers because I am too lazy to change. My mind responds “put down the food and start working out. take voice lessons. move somewhere. go back to school.”

I am so conflicted… I don’t know what it is I should be doing or trying, I guess number one would be to go to gym. It will help me lose the extra poundage and work off some of this stress. I wish I had a answer, I wish I was confident and could believe that I am destined for greatness but other people’s doubts and negativity has crept into my mind and made me doubt myself. I guess I need to test myself, push the boundaries and see where I can go.

I just don’t think I got into Stevens point for no reason. I must be talented, fuck that, I KNOW I am talented. I just have to put in the work to be great. That isn’t easy, but I think the road to gretaness starts form the inside out.

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One thought on “Unhappy for a year

  1. Hi there, I just want to tell you that you are not alone, we all go thru these times (myself included) and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Two things that I know will help you, #1 – do something nice for yourself today, eat a healthy meal, go for a walk, just something that will force you to give yourself a pat on the back, and #2 – do something nice for another person. No matter how unhappy we may be, seeing the smile you put on someone else’s face may be just the shot you need to make your day better! Good Luck :0).

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